Remembering Rory

 (For those of you who don't already know, my friend Rory passed away suddenly this past October. And a piece of my heart is missing.) 

It's therapeutic for me to write out my feelings...Rory used to encourage it. She would read my silly poems, and say, "Yay!!....I love it!!" in her cute Rory voice. Or if I was really struggling with my emotions, she would tell me to "Write it down and get it out!" It's been just over two months. This was the month I was supposed to see her, hug her, laugh with her. And It's a really hard reality knowing that it was so close.

  

Rory, the holiday season is here now, and your birthday so soon...and God, I wish I could see you. I miss you so much, that no words bring it justice. You are in my thoughts every day, and in my heart and spirit every second.

  

Just knowing you has inspired  me everyday to be the best person I can be, to find beauty in the small things, and to love myself. 

  

You will always be my "thrift store soulmate", and God knows I can't be near the ocean without feeling you with me in a way.

  

There are not enough words to properly say everything I am feeling and want you to know about the impact you had on my life...but I found this...and it spoke volumes...

  

“I love you,

Not only for what you are,

But for what I am

When I am with you.

I love you,

Not only for what

You have made of yourself,

But for what

You are making of me.

I love you

For the part of me

That you bring out;

I love you

For putting your hand

Into my heaped-up heart

And passing over

All the foolish, weak things

That you can’t help

Dimly seeing there,

And for drawing out

Into the light

All the beautiful belongings

That no one else had looked

Quite far enough to find.

I love you because you

Are helping me to make

Of the lumber of my life

Not a tavern

But a temple;

Out of the works

Of my every day

Not a reproach

But a song.

I love you

Because you have done

More than any creed

Could have done

To make me good

And more than any fate

Could have done

To make me happy.

You have done it

Without a touch,

Without a word,

Without a sign.

You have done it

By being yourself.

Perhaps that is what

Being a friend means,

After all.”

- Roy Crof

I can't take credit for that poetry...but I did write this for you Rory:

An Angle Among Us

Bright Eyes
Soft Voice
Healing Hands
Contagious Smile
Beautiful Spirit
 
So pure, selfless, and positive.
Leaving traces of light behind
Every footstep taken in this life.
 
An example to all.
An Angel among us,
Who's flight back to the heavens
Seems all too soon
To those who wish to have more moments
To hold you,
To thank you,
To soak in your radiant energy.
 
Knowing now, that although
You can not walk beside me,
You are watching over me,
And the Light you spread in this world
Continues to burn brightly
In the minds, souls, and spirits
Of all who love you.
 
Rest peacefully, my Rory,
Until we meet again,
And we dance on the beaches of Heaven
Wearing our wings together.

~ by Kate Hart-Ayars

  

You were an amazing, encouraging, compassionate, beautiful friend, Rory...and every second you and I spent together is a cherished, positive, joyful memory. Every conversation, text message, IM...not matter how trivial....are all things I think of fondly, and am appreciative for. But YOU, Rory,  are not a memory....you are a very present part of myself and my heart. And you live on through all the people that you have blessed and inspired...simply by being yourself.

  

I don't know or understand why things like this happen, but I do know that God gave this earth (no matter what the amount of time) a beautiful reflection of His goodness and beauty, through you.

  

I love you, my Rory. I know you know this. 

I got this yesterday. Your mom came with me and held my hand, like you used to do. It was the most painful tattoo out of them all, for more than one reason. And it was a tattoo I wish I never had to get. But it was an absolute honor to do so in your memory.