"Christians"

Honestly, any "Christian" I know that tells a gay person, or ANY person, that God does not love them deserves a punch in the throat. Shut up. How about you do the real Christian thing, and show God's love to everyone. (You're not being very kind and loving right now, Kate...you may say...but guess what???.... It hurts me.) it's God's job to change all of our lives in the ways He feels needed and in His timing. No one else's. You as a Christian are charged with one thing only...to show and share His love to EVERYONE at all times, no matter who they are or what you believe is right or wrong about them. He changes all of us, as we grow and establish a relationship with Him. But no one is going to want to start a relationship out of fear. Would you? Its when we feel cared for, and safe that we get closer in any relationship we have. Our goal is to lead people to God because of His unconditional love, so they can know Him and feel Him, and be better able to hear Him. Fear doesn't change anything. Only love. So the next time you feel self righteous enough to open your mouth and point the finger at anyone using the name of God in such a judgmental, unkind way... Remember one day you too will be judged for your poor representation of Christ's love toward people that He equally died for. He walked among ordinary people, and loved them all. Truly reflect Him and do the same. This message is filled with love, and I apologize if it doesn't seem that way. It just pains me to see hurting people say that they don't think that God loves them because a Christian told them that. Hurts me to my core. And for anyone who read this anyway that isn't a Christian... I'm here to tell you that nothing can separate you from the love of God, its a free gift, and he loves you right now exactly the way you are. If you would like to talk to me further, please email me that_kate@yahoo.com , I'm happy to talk to you. I'm as flawed as they come. Love and light to you, Kate 

Time4Learning

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Walking Out of Darkness (Part 2)

Now that the clouds are parting...

My focus and life is going to be changing, and I'm so excited for it. 

My desire and pursuit of God has elevated to the highest it has ever been. My intention is to chase after Him and His will for my life. I will discover, and listen and learn.  

I will no longer allow the stress and weight of life to distract me from enjoying my children to the fullest. They are my whole world and I am going to continue to do everything in my power to provide for them, and protect them, and raise them to be people of integrity. This is my greatest responsibility and greatest honor.

It seems to me that my whole life I have invested so much of my time and energy into relationships and friendships with individuals that are toxic for me. NO MORE! My job is to leave each person I encounter with something positive if possible, however...that doesn't mean that "just anybody" is supposed to be in my life in a significant way. I am going to be choosing wisely whom I allow close. 

I want to, now more than ever, really spend quality time with and learn more about my family and true friends. I want them to feel my love, interest, concern, and heart for them...leaving them with no doubt of my loyalty and care. 

I'm going to really embrace the solitude that I am now faced with. I've never done it before. But I deserve to pay attention to myself. 

I am going to pursue my interests, talents, and hobbies. 

I'm going to dance and get lost in the music.

I'm going to express my emotions in a form I never have before...which is painting.

I'm going to surf and swim in the ocean as often as I can.

I'm going to read all the books on my list.

I'm going to rebuild my vinyl collection. 

I'm going to go to the movies by myself.

I'm going to take day trips to NYC at least once a season. 

I'm going to take long walks and long naps.

I'm going to eat and cook amazing, healthy foods. 

I'm going to volunteer more. 

I'm going to start writing my book. 

I'm going to listen to and watch amazing artists perform amazing music live, at every opportunity.

( Those ^ are all things I already do, but intend to do now, with more passion and frequency.)

Lastly, I'm going to travel a lot more. I have traveled many places in my life time, but I want to experience so many more places, cultures, and people...and I'm not going to be held back from it. I have  already set time lines and goals for myself. 

This coming year, I will be going to Seattle to spend time with friends and California for a celebration of  two people I love. 

In 2014 I am traveling to Indonesia with a friend to experience the culture, wildlife, and spirituality of Bali. 

In 2015 I will take the kids to Disney world and celebrate our family with fun and adventure :)

In 2016 I will go to Italy to learn the language, taste the cuisine, and drink the wine. 

In 2017 I will return to Arizona and revisit the Navajo people and re-explore the beauty and spirit of the desert. 

And in 2018, I will go to Ireland and have potatoes and beer for breakfast everyday!!

These are things I have always wanted to do and adventures I have wanted to take, and I WILL do them all! 

I refuse to be a victim of circumstance, and miss out on life because I'm too busy feeling sorry for myself. It's not going down like that!!!

I pray that you all find a love for yourselves, as I have, that will help carry you above your pain and your circumstances. Hang on. The darkness will pass. Walk toward the light, no matter how far away it seems.

“I am stronger than depression and I am braver than loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Love to you. 

TheKate

Walking Out of Darkness (Part 1)

So, I think it's obvious to those of you that know me that I've had the year from hell... For those of you who perhaps don't know me well yet, I'll try to sum up the bulk of what has been probably the worst year of my life.

In October 2011, one of my life long friends, Rory Wilson, passed away suddenly without any explanation that any doctor can give. She laid her beautiful head down to sleep and woke up in Heaven. She was a radiant light in my life and my world has dimmed since she left us. She was my soul sister and was one of the few people who just "got me".

Six months later my new marriage ended, and the direction and plan I had for my life was destroyed. This situation has caused stress and embarrassment for me, and heartache that I wasn't prepared for.

In addition, this passed June, I lost another friend, Teddy Watkins, whom I loved beyond measure. I loved this man the minute I saw him 13 years ago and our friendship was so vital to me. He too passed way unexpectedly and is now in God's eternal care. This loss has left me feeling as though part of my inside is missing and I don't know how else to really describe it.

In addition to these great losses there have been added dramas from other people that have been in my life. And the running theme there just seems to be selfishness and disrespect, adding insult to my already injured heart and mind.

I've been walking in a state of despair, regret, anger, sadness, depression, numbness... Whatever emotion overtakes me at the time. But this is not who I am...

I'm the person that wants to and tries to encourage everyone else. I try to leave light with everyone I can, and this darkness I have allowed myself to settle in, is no longer acceptable.

I can't be the light I want to be for other people, if I'm sitting in the dark myself.

So where does Kate go from here? How do I get myself out of this rut?

Well, I'm going to learn something huge from all these painful experiences, for one.

Until I sit down with God and ask Him myself one day, I may never understand why Rory was taken before  (my understanding of) her time....but what I can do, is take all those moments of laughter, wisdom, and light that she shared with me, and reflect with joy on them with the rest of the time I have here. She taught me that it was okay to laugh at myself, and it was okay to be imperfect...because everyday you wake up is a "refresh button" of your life, where you try to improve from the previous day, and love yourself for who you are presently. She gave me an outstanding example of how to leave love and light wherever I go, and to move forward from hard times with the knowledge that there is something greater than me, and something great in me... And I must find and look for the beauty in everyone and everything. I know it's okay to miss her. I will continue to miss her, and I will send her love and light every time she crosses my mind. Then I will walk in joy instead of sadness. Because the joy of having known her, out ways the sadness of losing her.

As far as my marriage, I choose to no longer walk in embarrassment or condemnation... From myself or anyone else. I have a clear conscience and a peace in my heart knowing that I was a good wife, and I gave it my all. And instead of resentment, I will pray hard and stead fast for God's love to keep my heart from becoming hard. Because the joy of walking in love to the world, needs to out way the fear of getting hurt again.

When it comes to my Teddy...I know a couple of things. One, I must forgive him for not realizing how special he was. Two, I must forgive him for dying. That sounds funny, I know... But it's true. The pain caused by Ted's departure has left my emotions all over the place... And anger is one of those emotions. And I have to be free of that. I have to forgive. I need to focus on the laughter, fun, friendship, and love. And I have to hold on to it for dear life. I have to remember that he knew I loved him, and I must find peace in that. And I must picture him held close, accepted, and unconditionally adored in the arms of Jesus with no more suffering. I'm allowed to miss him. And I will always miss him. And every time he enters my mind, I will send him love and light, and I will go about my day with joy instead of sadness. Because the joy of having known him, out ways the sadness of losing him.

As far as anything and anyone else that has caused me additional pain, stress, confusion, or heartache...

All I can do is control myself, not others. I will learn from these experiences. I will not allow situations or people to diminish my sparkle. I will not hold on to bitterness or anger. I will not allow my hurt to cause me to question my worth or what I have to offer. I will continue to try my best to have the people I meet take something good away from knowing me. And I will not be discouraged when people pass me over or are careless with my heart and feelings. Every time I think of these people, I will send them love and light, in hopes that they themselves can improve and live better.

Better days are ahead for me.

 “There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I'm going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

My Man On The Moon (Remembering Ted Watkins)

I remember the first time I saw Ted Watkins...he walked into church with his family and I immediately noticed him, in fact...everything else went blurry except him. He had a style very similar to mine. He reminded me of Trent from Daria. (which many people have said over the years). We would pass notes to each other every Sunday on the back of the church bulletins. He would usually draw a weird picture on it. I still have some somewhere...

  

The first Christmas we were friends, I gave him a card and a bottle of black nail polish. He, his brother Dan, and I were immediate friends. We were a bunch of stupid kids and we had a lot of stupid fun.

  

I choose to remember all the good times....

dating....the kisses on my nose... beach swims....the concerts....the car rides...the long talks....the laughter. There was a lot of laughter.

  

And even though things were not always perfect ... we both made things right, and I can say with full confidence that I know Ted knew I loved him, valued him, and thought he was important...even when other people (people who should have known better)  would make him feel differently. And I know he loved and valued me...because he told me...and more importantly...he showed me.

  

He was flawed. Everyone is. But I know Ted's heart...and it was good. He was good. And I will miss him.

  

Ted, I pray that the peace you so very much wanted, is finally yours, luv. You are always in my heart. Always.

Vindication

Let's be honest....you and I both have struggled with seeing people who have hurt us or people we consider our enemies seem like they have everything in life that they want and appear so so happy, and we struggle with that... Don't we? Struggle to see things seem so unfair. Where is their Karma, right? Why is God not punishing them for what they did?

Trust me, I know where you are coming from. But here's the thing...it's not our job to worry about them "getting what they deserve".

You have to remember that this world is a temporary place. There is a final judgement for us all.

You have to consider that appearances are not always truths. many times people wear a mask of "Happiness, joy, or having it all together", when really behind it all where no one can see there is brokenness, discontentment, and pain.

Now here is the BIG issue....
It's tempting in hearing that to feel a sense of relief and almost satisfaction that perhaps these people we consider our enemies in this world may actually be secretly miserable.

I pray you be careful with these feelings ( and I speak to myself as well here ).... Now, you are on dangerous ground. What "Karma" does it create for yourself? And bigger yet, do you think that pleases God?

You have to know deep down that these people, whatever hurtful roll they have played in the story of your life were not born the way they are. Hurt people HURT people. And whatever negative, despicable, inexcusable things they may have put you through and done to you... Something has happened to make them that way.

Again, that makes no justification or excuses for whatever it is they have done (criminals belong in jail, etc) but as a way to keep yourself healthy and without sin, you must realize that finding joy in others misery is never good. You can be content in justice without dirtying your heart.

Praying for your enemies seems like an impossibly. I know this for a fact. I have told God Himself that it was too much to ask of me... But I found after time and effort that it became easier, and that with it came a sense of peace.

See, it's not even really about the other person. You can't change them. But letting go of the hate, resentment, and animosity... Will change you. You will be able to focus on your own life and blessing without being overshadowed with thoughts and worries about them.

Know inside, that no matter what.... We all stand before a final judge, and in the end God will hold them accountable for what they have done to you. Find peace with that, and keep your heart right. You are being watched too.

Allow yourself the freedom of moving on. God is your vindicator.

Love and light,
The Kate

Love Knows No Boundaries

For the past few days the Lord set something upon my heart to share with 2 sets of people in my life.

1) Those who are hurting and walking through a painful place right now.(Sickness, loss, unemployment, the death of a loved one, the betrayal of afriend, the ending of a relationship, etc.)

2) Those who feel that they are not, or can not be loved by God.(feeling unworthy, feeling not good enough, has opposed God in the past, wastold by someone that God doesn’t love them, etc.)

I want to really address the love, mercy, and compassion of God with you today. Having sat under the teaching of my pastor recently, and already having this desire to write about it, I feel the time is now….

* JESUS IS POWERFULLY COMPASSIONATE TOWARD PEOPLE THAT HAVE OPPOSED HIMOR CALLED HIM THEIR ENEMY*

*JESUS HAS COMPASSION FOR THOSE WHO FEEL THEIR FAILURES DISQUALIFY THEMFROM MERCY*

*JESUS HAS COMPASSION FOR EVERYONE THAT HAS BEEN LABELED AN “OUTSIDER” *

*JESUS LOVES THE BROKEN AND HURTING*

I want to share a story from the book of Matthew Chapter 15 (feel freeto read the actual text in the Bible):

An “unworthy” Canaanite woman, despite the godlessness of her people andlow status, boldly came to Jesus acknowledging Him as Lord, and begging for Himto have mercy on her and her daughter who needed healing. She compared herself toa dog, stating that she knew that she was not like the worthy people who ate atthe table, but a dog that would gratefully take a crumb that fell on the floor,if He would be so kind to offer it to her. Jesus saw and praised this woman’sgreat humbleness and faith, and because of this, He healed her daughter.

My, friends, I really want to encourage you to not exclude yourselffrom the love and mercy of God. We are ALL undeserving. Yes, there are alwaysconsequences for our bad actions, and there will always be pain in thisimperfect world…but hear me when I tell you that NOBODY is outside of thecircle of God’s love. NOBODY! Consequences of our mistakes can be MANY things,but they NEVER include losing God’s love.

 And if someone has ever told youthat the bad things that have happened in your life is a result of Godpunishing you, or that God doesn’t love because you are a certain race orsexuality (gay), or that the things you have done in your life are unforgivable...THEYARE WRONG!

NOTHING CAN SEPARATE YOU FROM THE LOVE OF JESUS!

I don’t care who has told you otherwise….”Christian” or not. If theyare telling you that God doesn’t love you because of ___________...then theydon’t really know who

Jesus is.

“The single greatest cause of Atheism in the world today is Christians,who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, and then walk out the door and deny Himby their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.”

There are 2 types of people in the world. That’s it…just 2…

1) People who are obviously screwed up.

2) People who are just as screwed up, but hide it well.

It is not “us” against “them”….we are all the same.

God alone is our judge. And as you establish a relationship with Him,and study His word, HE alone will convict you of any changes you need to make,and He will help you make them. As you start to understand Jesus, your heartwill open more, and you will find your compassion for other people will alsogrow.

I know many of you wonder (as have I in the past)…If Jesus is compassionate,why is my life this way and why do bad things happen? You cannot look at thecircumstances of your life and judge God’s love for you.

I know that this planet and this life can be painful and hard….trustme, I do…

And none of it seems fair. I know that I can’t say I know what it islike to walk a mile in your shoes, but I do know pain.  I want you to find comfort in the fact thatthis is not our HOME…this is a temporary place, and in the end, God will makeall things new. He is FOR YOU!

Heaven awaits those who believe, and there, there is no more painand no more suffering…only joy, peace, and happiness.

See, God loved you so much that he took all the punishment, andsuffering that we as sinners deserve…and He placed it all on Jesus, so thatinstead, we could receive the mercy and love that Jesus deserves. Jesus tookOUR place. That is how much He loves you!!!! God has such amazing compassionfor us, otherwise…He would have never sent Jesus to die for us.

Giving our heart to Him does not require our perfection….just ourwillingness. He is there to forgive us, and help us get up when we fall.

There is a song called ‘What if I Stumble’…

“What is I stumble, what if I fall?

What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?

Will the love continue when the walk becomes a crawl?

What if I stumble, and what if I fall?

Lord, I hear you whispering my name (You say…)

My love for you will NEVER change”

What I wanted mostly to do today is leave you with a feeling and knowledgeof how truly loved you are by God…just as you are….through yourpain, and though your mistakes…and NOTHING can change that. Not even yourejecting Him.

And if you are going through a storm in your life right now and arehurting, I promise that allowing God into your life, will comfort you in waysyou never thought possible. Let Him love you through this.

“Everyone needs compassion

A love that’s never failing

Let mercy fall on me

Everyone needs forgiveness

The kindness of a Savior

The hope of nations

So take me as you find me

All of my fears and failures

Fill my life again

I give my life to follow

Everything I believe in

Now I surrender”

If anyone wishes to discuss any of this further with me, feel free toinbox me on Facebook or you can email me at that_kate@yahoo.com